Blond Jokes


  • Bimbabble: Noise coming from a table full of blondes.
  • Bimbae: More than one bimbo.
  • Bimbait: Perfume worn by blondes in a bar.
  • Bimbastard: Child of a bimbo.
  • Bimbastic Surgeon: Specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
  • Bimbattle-axe: Blonde mother-in-law
  • Bimbeeper: Homing device for lost bimbos.
  • Bimbessence: Aura created when a bimbo enters a room.
  • Bimbette: A small bimbo.
  • Bimbezzle: A blonde bank teller.
  • Bimbino: A baby bimbo.
  • Bimbitude: State of being a bimbo.
  • Bimbooboo: Mistake made by a bimbo.
  • Bimbore: Blonde who uses the word 'like' more than 5 times in a sentence.
  • Bimbosity: Degree of being a bimbo.
  • Bimbouy: A blonde in the water.
  • Bimburger: Bimbo surrounded by 2 guys.
  • Bimp: The Goodyear Bimbo.
 
  • Beauty is only skin deep, but blonde goes to the root!
  • Last night I went home to my blonde girlfriend, and told her I was going to screw her brains out. Then I realised I was too late.
  • BLONDES.ZIP: Great Shareware, but be careful of viruses!
  • And for my next trick, I need a blonde volunteer and a condom.
  • I invest in Negotiable Blondes.
  • I'm a natural blonde, so please speak slowly.
  • Not all Blondes are dumb. But then who ever checks.
  • Sexist... Me??? Hell no!!! Some of my best friends are Bimbos.
  • Some are born blonde, others have to dye first.
 
How do you get a blonde to marry you?
Tell her she's pregnant.
How do you get a blonde off of her knees?
Cum.
How do you know a blonde likes you?
She screws you two nights in a row.
Why don't blondes like anal sex?
They don't like their brains being screwed with.
Why are blondes so easy to get into bed?
Who cares?
How is a blonde like peanut-butter?
They spread for the bread.
What do you give the blonde who has everything?
Penicillin.
Why should you never give blondes coffee breaks?
It's too hard to re-train them.
What do blondes do for foreplay?
Remove their underwear.
What do blonde virgins eat?
Baby food.
What's the mating call of the blonde?
"I'm sooooo drunk!"
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Why do blondes work seven days a week?
So you don't have to retrain them every Monday.
What's the difference between a blonde and a lightbulb?
The lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.
What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks trying to get you to buy it drinks.
How does a blonde commit suicide?
She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
How do you measure a blondes IQ?
With a tire gauge!
How does the blonde turn on the light after she has had sex?
By opening the car door.
How does a blonde get pregnant?
And I thought blondes were dumb!
How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
Shine a torch in her ears.
How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
She drops her nail-file!
Who cares?
How does a blonde like her eggs?
Unfertilised.
How do you drown a blond?
Put a mirror at the bottom of a pool.
What do you call a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
Flattered.
What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
One's a phoney buck.......
What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
One that never misses a period.
What did the short sighted blonde say when she woke up under the cow?
Gees, how sweet, you all decided to stay
What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
Third Grade.
What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
What disease paralyses blondes below the waist?
Marriage.
How do you confuse a blonde?
You don't. They're born that way.
Why do blondes have vaginas?
So guys will talk to them at parties.
What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
Full.
What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
"Thanks, guys..."
Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
To keep their legs together.
What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
Divorced.
What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
Divorced.
How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
There's liquid paper on the screen.
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.
What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
The blonde has the higher sperm count.
What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.
What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
Your job still sucks after 6 months.
What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
Lipstick.
Why is a blonde like a turtle?
They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
Why do blondes have more fun?
Because they don't know any better.
They are easier to keep amused.
They are easier to find in the dark.
Why do blondes have periods?
They deserve them
Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
From dating blond men.
Why do blondes drive VW's
Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
Why do Blondes take the pill?
So they know what day of the week it is.
What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
Introduce herself.
What's a blonde's favourite wine?
"Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
Pack their lunch and send them to work.
What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
Change.
What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
Last years 'hide and seek' winner.
What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A whine cellar.
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant --------------------------------with twins!
What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
Her ankles.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
Why do blondes smile when they walk down the marriage aisle?
They realise they've given their last blowjob.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
What is blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, ....?
A blonde doing cartwheels.
Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So brunettes can remember them.
Why are there no dumb brunettes?
Peroxide.
What's the difference between a Blonde and a Supermarket Trolley.
A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
What is the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.
Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?
It's called MAIDS - if they don't get one, they die.
Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?
They take off their makeup.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Blondes screw in back seats, not in lightbulbs, silly.
Why do men like blonde jokes?
Because they can understand them.
Why do blondes have square boobs?
Because they forget to take the tissues out of the box.
Why don't blonds in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
Because their balls show!
What's the white stuff you find in a blonde's panties?
Clitty litter.
How do you know when a blonde has Alzheimer's?
You don't.
Why do blondes have the letters C & A printed on their underwear?
So they know which way to put them on.
What do you call an intelligent Blonde?
A Labrador.
What do you get when you stand a blonde on her head?
A brunette with bad breath!
How does a blonde count as high as two?
By taking her blouse off.
How do blondes get Minks?
The same way Minks get Minks!
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
When you smack a mosquito in the head it stops sucking.
Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
To cover up the valve stem.
Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
She was having sunny periods.
What does a blonde make best for dinner?
Reservations.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
101. 1 to hold the lightbulb, and 100 to turn the house round!
What's brown and red and black and blue?
A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
 
DOCTOR (Taking up his stethoscope): Big breaths.
ADOLESCENT BLONDE: Yeth, and I'm not even thixteen yet.
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of national capitals. She proudly said, Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them. A red head said, OK, what's the capital of France? The blonde replied, Oh, that's easy, 'F'.
Whilst driving to the airport a blonde sees a sign that says 'airport left' ... so she turns around and drives home
One day a cop pulled a blonde over. As he checked her license and registration, he thought, Gee, she doesn't seem too bright. Maybe I can get lucky. He started to unzip his fly, and she groaned and said, Oh no, not another breathalyser test.
Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to 'iron', then we could do without the ironing lady.
Blonde Wife: Well, if you would learn to fuck me properly we could do without the gardener.
A blonde and a brunette are walking through the shopping mall... The blonde notices that the brunette's boyfriend is walking out of a flower shop. The blonde says Hey Isn't that your boyfriend over there? The brunette says Yeah it is..!
Blonde: Aww.. ...and he got you flowers too... How sweet..
Brunette: Yeah, but you know what this means. It means I'm going to have to be on my back with my legs up in the air for the next week and a half.
Blonde: (Looking confused) Why?! Don't you own a vase?!
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said Oh, look at the deer tracks. The other blonde looks and says Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks. No. Those are deer tracks. They keep arguing, and arguing, until half of an hour later they were both killed by a train.
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown.
A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.
Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?
The shepherd being a sporting man said, Err, yeh sure!
The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said 352.
Oh - yes, you're right! exclaimed the amazed shepherd.
I suppose you should pick one said the shepherd thinking how he was going to explain the loss of a sheep.
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.
Seizing the opportunity, the shepherd turned to her and said, If I can guess your true hair colour, can I have my dog back?